smiling despite the tears.

ALOHA.

2011-09-03T03:37:00.000-07:00

OHANA ERTHLINGS.
been EONS since I was here so missed me? YEAHYEAH^^
told myseif I would only update again after Os buttttttt
bordem's getting to me, so OH WELL,
here I am so WHO CARES(:won't be too long a post though.

so school has been crappy, the usual.
Teachers' Day's just over and clapclap to class performance,
i think we did great guys(:

PRELIMS STILL ONGOING.
ART prelims next week and GUESS WAD,
I haven't done a crapp -.- stoooopid man.

LOOK AT THAT, THAT'S HOW MY JUNE HOLS WENT!
AND ITS GONNA HAPPEN AGAIN.
SO NOT LOOKING FORWARD.
ohkays.
gotta go peepoos.
will be back, when I can(:

when rain falls.

2011-06-28T01:56:00.000-07:00

SEOBIE!<3

I just don’t understand you.
And Im sick and tired of your bullshit.
Why can’t you have faith in me, once, just once?
As I look as those who have it all fine, it hurts you know?
trust me, I just wanna be normal for once.
I wanna know how it feels to live like the world is mine.
I don’t want to cry for the same effed up reason night after night.
trust me, one day you’ll be wiped completely out of my life.
and on that day, I promise you, you’ll regret it.
I’ll leave and the memories are mine to keep.

I can go on! :D

2011-06-06T17:53:00.000-07:00

isn't he just adorable(: ♥

back to post since I haven't updated for june(:

been too lazy to even login. waking up at 8plus everyday and going home at 5plus really drains you.
I've only got energy left to scroll the mouse, not much left to type! :O
ideal for scrolling thru tumblr!♥
don't know how im gonna finish hol homework, but I will(:
art camp next week, painting from morn till night, eating cold food, screaming at night, sleeping on the floor.
looking forward :D RIGHT. -.- if there wasn't any teachers.
can I trade it for another shooting camp? :O
look forward to more slacking days at felicia laogong's house(: where we can gaga over hawt guys like nobody's business XD
im like rotting at home D: can't find much things to do other than all the books that I dont want to touch. gluing myself to the comp like a geek.

laptop no batt, switch on desktop, charge laptop, flip the channels on the TV, talk on the phone.
mum comes home from shoppping and starts yelling at me to do homework again.
sad routine.
holidays are supposed to be enjoyable D:
willing to trade anything to get my childhood back.
the REAL childhood. runnig about playgrounds yelling at each other playing tag.
I don't care if you think it's childish!

your eyes whisper.

2011-05-30T03:24:00.001-07:00

could I have a wish?
cause it would defenitely be you.

JUNE HOLS HERE! *fake enthusiasm* E3 camp and art hell is here! *real boredem*

what's wrong with this school, we hardly have any time to rest and they still cram up our hols like nobody's business.

I so freaking want to have trianing instead of E3 camp and art. Miss shooting family like crapps.
Miss laughing like siaosiao with all the peeps there. Miss my rifle! D:
Eli babeh's off to Beijing :D HAVE FUN BABE! you deserve it yeah! ((:

anyways, supposed to go for art today but screw it! I didn't know okay! And I was too shagged to even crawl out of bed let alone go to school! The only times I can wake up latelate and I WILL MAKE FULL USE OF IT! back to study tmr(: sound real guaikia ehh!^^

you know it's so long sine I last laughed my heart out, with nothing hidden behind the smile.
I don't understand how some people can stand smiling just for the sake of it, cause I can't.

to see you again.

2011-05-25T23:39:00.000-07:00

crappy mothertoungue lessons with peixian and yiting.
I will never survive without them making me laugh like crazy.
even miss wong thinks i'm abit, I don't know, loose in the brain? XD
last day of school tomorrow, which means NOTHING to me cause my june holidays ain't gonna be any holidays at all. That's crappy.
kaypoh kaypoh and went to the range yeaterday and man, do I miss that place!
I want my rifle so badly.
coach crapped about all the ways to 'torture' people during camps, from army rations to hand drills!
still the same old coachy(:
scooted off when mdm shamilah appeared, got enough of teachers. seriously.

I miss you like crapp.

WALKING IT OUT(:

2011-05-23T23:45:00.000-07:00

yes, I know it's after cross-country and i'm supposed to be at home SLEEPING.
but NOPE, Im in school doing ART! :D
not exactly something I should be proud of, but still(: thought it was worth announcing((:
completely walked out cross country with zar bo and alvin. wrote all over my hands.
ran abit with farahin just for the fun of it :D stole water from the road marshals along the way.
didin't even chiong the end , we totally strolled pass the end line! talk about a memorable X-country^^
crossed the finish like an eternity later, passed number tag to marcus. JEALOUS, he don't need to run!
Hahahs, he was like: I run two years liaos!
and I was like: I ran FOUR years! ..... ehh wait no, I ran one year and WALKED three years!
HAHAH :D epic-ness I tell you((:
then roasted under the sweltering sun while the results were announced, then zao with alvin, zar bo and tingyuan. supposed to cab back to yishun but got a bus instead cause there were no taxis avaliable. wtheck!
LOL, nvm I was kinda broke anyways(: saw vina on the bus, waved like saiosiao(:
lunch-ed at mac then back home to bathe and then ART!

fantastic way to pass my day but it beats being stuck at home(:

my june hols are gonna suck. so, may as well enjoy myself when I still can :D

ohkay, off to stalker stalk(:

awwwwh man(:

2011-05-20T03:14:00.000-07:00

sheesh next week’s gonna be tiring. phototaking, cross country, more chinese?! :O

Finally sqeezed out time to go buy boey’s present with elizabeth. Talk cock session more like but ohh well(: one of the few relaxing times I had since my life became hectic to the max.

There’s so much I want to tell to somebody, to get the stuffs off my heart, but I just can’t bring myself to. I’m just so afraid of being judged after what I reveal. Sorry, but I don’t have that confidence.

boopeees :D

2011-05-17T22:40:00.000-07:00

came back to revive my blogger since i've been practically neglecting it since tumblr came along :O

SO. exams over for everyone, no more chances for me to booboo at my juniors that mine are over.

but NVM! I have mothertongue intensivw now, which is SOO intrsting. RIGHT.

Kenny: You okay liaos?

Me: Yeah..

Kenny You don't sound okay.

Me: Uhhh

Kenny: He said he wanted to wait till you cooled down first.

.......
Kenny: Meanwhile, you can call me bastard if it cheers you up!

LOL XD

Kenny's like super cute I tell you. He can make me laugh when I want to cry!

anyways, stuffs settled.

for those who read my tumblr. yeaps.
imma happy again(: kenny called to ask if I was ohkay, explained everything you told him.

and I forgive you, it wasn't even your fault but since you asked me to,

yes, I forgive you. forgive me too yeah?

I didn't mean a word I said boy.

the world goes round.

2011-04-11T02:51:00.000-07:00

and the cycle goes on and on.

sometimes, we chase after those whom we don't even matter to.

and those who truly care, who have been there rooting for us ever so silently,

are thrown to a tiny corner of our lives.

those who lend us a ear to rant,

a shoulder to cry on,

a heart to share the sorrows.

IM SORRY.

im so confusedd i can't even think straight.

still wondering about life

2011-04-06T02:27:00.001-07:00

so stop wasting our love on people who dont deserve them.

like YOU.

give me back my happiness.

i wanna laugh till it hurts.

like how i used to.

laughing so hard, no noise coming out,

so i sit there clapping like a retarded seal.

miss those times. those times when you didn't mater.

so much in one mind

2011-02-28T01:56:00.001-08:00

so many things to say

so little words to express.

if you ever find yourself stuck in the middle of the sea,

i'll sail the world,

to find you.

if you ever find yourself lost in the dark and you cant see,

i'll be the light,

to guide you~

i miss my shooting family D:

i wanna go for monthly.

waneh your present still with me!

crapped alot to eli this week, cheered me up LOADS!

love you girl(:

stressed up beyond description.

somehow life seems so confusing, and the more you try to understand it,

the worse it becomes.

sunday sunday~

i wanna see you on sunday!

it makes me smile! :D

2011-02-10T01:21:00.000-08:00

dashed hopes.
shooting was supposed to be my pillar of strength.
what happened??

changing the world? oh WOW!(:

2011-01-27T02:12:00.000-08:00

certain things seem so hard to let go.
so hard to forget.
but think about it.
if we don't mean anything to others,
why make ourselves miserable by holding on?

three tests in a day is crazy.
three tests in a day with art is MADNESS!
WHICH MEANS TODAY WAS MADNESS.
ohh well.

haven't updated properly for almost a week.
imma busy woman!
so. wanted to update events for each day but due to my stm...nahh =P
can't even rmbr what happened monday ):
am i old or what?? :O
tues was cca with shooting family!
gosh i love them to bits! junior akidd's super uber cute!
eli! cheerup babeh! hate seeing you cry so smile okayy?
stay strong cause nobody can pull you dowm that way!(:

had term test for the rest of the days except wednesday.
and art is freaking making me go CRAZY. totally.
decided to pon art today. who cares. pufit. geog's more impt.
double amaths today. probably killed off all my brain cells -.-
at least we had air-con in inovate room. or was it icreate? AHH IDC(:
crapped with darren(ong) hehehe(:
teach him maths can puke blood! ahahah JKJK!((:

geog tmr!
i wonder how much memory space i have left in my brain?

HAPPY BELATED BIRTHDAY JIA LIN!
you! woman! i wrote most of the stuffs in the card liao!
so just wanted to say, thanks for being such a cute and sweet junior!
and listening to me rant and never failing to cheer me upp!
now youre fifiteen liao! must play hard and study hard too ok!
get well soonnn!~ you crazy woman!~
love you babeh!! ((:

sucks. big time.

2011-01-18T00:48:00.000-08:00

you know what sucks? realising that everything you believe in is complete and utter bullshit.

FREAK OUT.

2011-01-13T22:51:00.000-08:00

im going to freak out anytime.

CCA bazaaar!!!!

2011-01-08T21:57:00.000-08:00

SHOOTING GOT A BOOTH AT CCA BAZAAR!
LIKE MIRACLE MAN. hahahs
went to kpo kpo abit.
then in the end helped them intro the booth to the parents.
hahahs. then slack slck with yewei and junrong!
JUNRONG VULGAR SIOL! heheheh! XD

crapped abit then went home to slack.
nothing to do on the first weekend of school ):
mother tongue results coming out next week! :O
kinda scared hahahs. A2 A2 A2 A2 pleaseee! D:
then art paper1 questions coming out monday too.
that one is REALLY scaredd. ): haish, gotta chionggg art again.
life's goota be cramped up with colouring and finding pictures!
saw th o level art pieces and guess what?
i think i cant even get a B3. wth.
its THAT bad.
haiyayayah!

stress stress.
okok breathe in breathe out.
go and sleep.

burh bye.

2011-01-04T00:03:00.000-08:00

first day of school!

HEHEH, quite slack.

changed form teacher and geog teacher and principal.

LOLS. i hate the new timetable! EEEYER!

seating arrangement wasnt that bad. sitting with nisa now(:

couldnt go for sec1s selections today!

sianx!

maybe 2011 wont be that bad! :D

suddenly wanna go foe art lessons cause i wanna see how miss tan teaches(:

hope its good? heheh.

i dont want 2010 to repeat itself.

though i kinda miss the last two months of 2010 D:

but still, today was great cause i can tell i changed.

i can tell you dont matter anymore(:

YEAP THAT GREAT! :DD

newyearrrr

2011-01-03T02:57:00.000-08:00

newyear.

im not that same person.

not the one who cried herself to sleep.

not the one who couldn't face the world.

not the one who thought life sucks.

not the one you knew.

not the 2010 one.

nope.

you'll see.

friendship is letting spmebody point a gun at your head,

and trusting that he wont pull the trigger.

To change for the New Year

2010-12-30T23:25:00.000-08:00

2010 ending in a day!

blogging from godma's house!((:
countdown with mango pudding! XD HAHA!
the guys are like blasting 'Firework' heheh
godma suggested we prepare New Year resolutions.
we were like: woah, that's early!! :O
hahas xD

so, to wish for 2011:

1. To smile more for the people i love.

2. To get into NYT.

3. To work and fill the empty spaces in my pockets.

4. To pray more.

TA-DA. dani will probably get us to tell the Lord what we want for the newyear on sunday.

then i'll tell my first and foremost wish. before even the no.1 up there(:

mean ehh! XD

SO. DEDICATIONS TIME!

ZARBO! (Qiaoling)

GIRL! MISS YOU LOADS! though i think we quarrel alot horr? hahas XD

thanks for always being there for three years already!

you've really changed this year, and hope next year will be better okayy! :DD

though all the things that happened last year, it's OKAYY! me and stella still love you the same!

so, stay strong girl! after next year, you gotta fight one last year ok??

you gotta keep that smile of yours! LOVE YA! see you in two days!! cant wait! :DD

STELLA!

yosh fellow anime freak!

thanks for being a GREAT FREWN for three years lerr!

and always thre for me to rant! :DD

crapping to you about auything japanese always cheers me up LOADS!

jiayous for next year! stay happy like you always are okayy! AND STAY PRETTY!

love you! ZERO LOVES YA TOO! woohooo! ((:

SOOXIAN!

EHHH! WO MEN SHI YOU WEI LAI DERR! :DD

hahahas! thanks for pei-ing me one whole year! and crapping about everything from

art to tako yaki! i think i still owe you tako? HAHA and a LIFETIME of subwayy horr?

hahahs XD thanks for always making me LOLOL!

don't think i would have survived this year without you!((: die for art die together!

doing art with you is FUNN! our art is SHI ZIE DI YI MEI! :DD hahahs!

loveyou!~

YUNTING!

first, CHEERUPP girl!

love the crazy times at safra with youuuu! I MISS THEM!

thanks for always making cca enjoyable! we laugh like CRAZY WOMAN!

WOOHOOO!! we'll prove that man wrong yeah! we'll prove his ass off!

:DD so dont worry girl!~ when sch reopens you can rant everything to me!

and we'll solve everything! love shooting camp with you and gracee!

BLAHEEEEE! hahahs XDDD this past month and last month was FUNN!

keep smiling okayy!(: and keep stalking my fb! woohoo!

loveyougirl!~

shooting juniors!

BOOO! you juniors really make shooting club lively uhh!

thanks for being cute cute juniors! crazy times with elizabeth and wani? 0.0

HEHEHE! think i never really knew eli before the jialin incident?

but am glad you and her are okayy already!(:

and yewei laoda who always calls me hamster and make me laugh my head off! heheh!

and geraldine who's always so sweet! :DD

blur blur pansy! always make me smile(:

AND dylan! im gona get you for the times you and junrong and jinwen insulted me during camp!

you dirty minded guys! HAHAH XD

jialin dear! for always being there to cheer me up!

felicia laogong! you are the best best woohoo! XD

dont think i can write all that you guys have done,

but, THANKS ALOT! especially camp was AWESOME!

loveyouguys!

special thanks to everyone in the shooting family! we are the BEST!

WOOHOO!

and my XXON brothers and sisters!

you guys forever make me feel at home!!!!!!!

EXTRA CREDITS!

huibing, angel, kev, my angel, darren boey, darren teo, brandon, aaron, shihui,

hweechi, joanna, elizabeth!:DD

so prove your worth,

cause you've got me in a dilemma.

somehow, i think i'm wrong again.

2010-12-28T00:57:00.000-08:00

ohmamamama IWANTMYPHONE!! ZZZZ
life without a phone sucks like crapps >.<>

bet he just wanted to piss me off! LOLOL :DD

then aunt had to come all the way down to give it to me cause she felt so bad! ):

awwh, it's okayy aunty. ((:

crapped with aaron before he and benji stuck themselves infront of the XBOX again.

zzz typical guys! loserpants! hahas

watching the two of them play can make one PUKE BLOOD!

lol me and amanda were like talking to two blocks of wood! just like at x'mas party!

i wanted to strangle aaron!

diaodiaodiaozzzz

why kev never come??

LOL miss my fav cousin! piggyback korr! ((:

sianx. i think the movie was an epic fail?

nahh, maybe next time boey!

boey never get me x'mas pressie?? UNFAIRR!

lol i think he pokkai after spending 40 bucks on one pressie hahahs(:

LOLOL

haish life without a phone):

YUNTINGG!

i want message you!! LOLS

go nyt together girl! i wanna shoot and i uber miss safra!! ):

Jialin i am SO JEALOUS of you! D:

hahah xD

DAOLONGG! you guys want try together or not??

LOLS. they so proo cnf can luhh!

my rifle <>

wonder if yunting misses her rifle as much as i do ):

2010-12-27T01:50:00.000-08:00

TAG REPLIES(:

YUNTING! : hahas reallyy! THANKS! when i get back my phone i upload all our crazyy photos!! :D BALHEE!!!!!

Elizabeth: thanks for the tag! :D

JIALIN! : okie okie! im not that pissed anymore luhh!(:

CHRISTMAS! (:

2010-12-27T01:08:00.001-08:00

CHRISTMAS was AWESOME!! (:
log cakes and LOADS of chocolates! :DD
love the season!
And, it's FRIFTEEN days of christmas.
SO. i can still be in the festive mood! (:
went to Hans with family to eat TURKEY! lols.
then went aunt daphne's xmas party.
kev was there! woooohooo1
hahas miss him like crapps! why must he go melbourn studyy??
eeee. LOLS.
aunt daphne makes the BEST cookies and her fridge practically bursts with chocolates!! XD
renee and angelica wore like super grownn upp uhh!
cant imagine renee's my age! pretty woman uhh the two of them!(:
hahas, christmas' like the best season of all! makes you forget life's troubles!
caught up with soo many cousins!
kev and benji wre like inseperable uhh1 two guys stuck in front of the XBOX.
DIAOS! kev like kept owning benji?? HA! :DD
and WTH Aaron's frm stpats???
ZZZ that irritating crapp piece who kept stealing my candycanes?!
IDONTBELIEVETHIS.
it MUST be a JOKE! PUFIT. GRAGHH.
I JUST WANNA EAT ME CHOCOLATES! :D

suddenly got myself thinking what im gonna do after o levels.
yeah, kiasu, i know.
BUT. i spent the entire of this year thinking i'm gonna go poly. SP or ngee ann.
THEN. now i'm thinking jc after all.
noooooo. not another two years of mugging like crapps for A levels.
mugging like crapps for O levels is enoughh!!
BUT. thanks to things that happened before camp and after, i don't know which to choose!!
GRAGHH! if i go JC i can SHOOT!
well, that is IF i go to a JC that has shooting. but that's not the issue.
the issue is:

Nearest JC: YJC 0.0 no thanks...

JCs that have shooting:
HJC- no thanks either
NJC- i'll die over there
VJC- FARR x1000
TPJC- FARR x1000000
CJC- would have been the perfect choice, IF they weren't under coach lee.

ZOMFG.
ARGHHH. that's my pathetic amount of choices D:
GRAGHH. floating about through life nowadays.
feel like im floating away frm everyone.
My shooting familyy!!! miss them LOADS! D:
feel REALLY aimless... miss crazy-ing at safra with yunting..and eli..
and my sec1s D: miss laughing like madd D:

sombody, anybody, talk to me.

make me laugh.

gotta get myself together.

step one: shoot REALLY well in school next year.

that's the first step. we'll think bout the rest after that.

burh bye.

sometimes, you have to loose something

before you realise how much it means.

unable to smile

2010-12-24T02:08:00.000-08:00

its christmas!
my favourite season of the year(:
but somehow this year, its so bleak.
gonna buy log cakes with mum later.
wanna cheer up and soak up the festive mood.
sighs.
i miss eveything that used to make me happy.

2010-12-21T03:20:00.000-08:00

love my shooting family truckloads bucketloads.

im gonna miss my rifle.

i dont believe this.

DARREN I WANT MY NOUGATS!!!!!!!!!! D:

pissed off pissed off

2010-12-18T02:31:00.000-08:00

am back from camp!

it was AWESOME. YEAH RIGHT.
no pictures yet, sorry!
grace hasn't tagged me yet, and i lost my usb, cant upload! ):

wehhhh. haix.

day one was quite slack
all i rmbr of it was the bag search, cause i laughed LOADS.
and all the BLAHEES! hahahs! thanks to geraldine, she gave me the idea!(:
and i haven't blahee-ed you yet cynthia!! :DD
was so dead tired and scared after the ghost stories! gosh.
okok i know imma scaredy cat! i screamed when yunting pulled my leg!!
she and jialin sure had a good laugh!! urgh urgh! hahahs.

was super dead tired again the entire of day 2
woke up abit at the bbq, msged darren teo and boey.
hahahs bro was hungryy!
kept telling him fly over to ytss to eat our bbq! teehee!
they were waiting for coach at safra, and he was at our school!
hahahs, so sadd! awwh.
had to stay up after to wait for the fire drill, then couldn't partyy with the girls at our bunk!!
D: saddened.
msged bro abit, dun emo bro!
it's okayy, dont kepp thinking about it alrights!
and i let you down, but that's for later.
i let you and eli down, but, the happy things first aites?
bathed super late with yunting.
then comes things i dont wish to talk about.

last day.
dang DEAD.
i think me and yunting were both in pissed mode.
finally prize presentation.
i think it was the worse period of my life.

i cant believe this is happening to me.
why?
you take my phone, you ban me from safra.
how else can you screw my life?
do you even have the least respect for me?
my MOTHER doesnt read my messages, and who are you compared to my mum?
now you turn my mum against me.
you give some stupid reasion that i have 'motives' to train at safra.
you think i have motives?
yes, i have a motive. i want to shoot.
i want to shoot, and get into nyt.
and you did not even bother to listen to my side of the story did you?
now im banned from safra.
i dont think you even know how it feels.
you'll never know how it feels until you really love the sport, love it as much as i love my rifle.
love it as much as i love my shooting family.
why did you have to do this?

to bro and eli,
i let you guys down.
i didn't mean it.
i didint know my phone would end up with her.
i know you guys trusted me,
qnd now i let the worst person know.
if this screws up your chances at shooting and nyt eli, im so sorry.
i wont forgive myself.

and bro i know you already have a 400 word letter and this will probably makes stuff even wrose, but...im so sorry.
i never wanted things to turn out this way.

bye rifle, bye pistol, bye pellets bye target cards.
bye bye safra.
bye bye shooting.

cause my life is so screwed.

one week, one hot guy! :D

2010-11-26T20:23:00.000-08:00

a whole wek worth of posts here(:
okayy okayy, lets start from monday!

Monday, 22nd November(:
went to school for training.
but in the end it became pt cause nobody was around to open the armoury ):
had some pt with the st pats guys who came over!
and this is an understatement, but :
SEXYBACK IS HOT!!
i think elizabeth and wani are like begging to differ!
hahas, yahh i know he's sexist!! but still, sexist or not sexist, he's HOT!
so anyways, we won st pats by one point! LOL!
and in the end i didnt get my macvalue lunch?!?!
hahahs!

Tuseday, 23rd November(:
didnt do much.
slacked at home(:

Wednesday, 24th November(:
went to school for cjc friendlys (:
SEXYBACK AGAIN! (:
HAHAHAS!
borrowed hais phone again and he didint change his passcode??
LOL!
me and elizabeth go see his messages, never message any girl?!
wahpiang! guys school only what, no church or smth meh??
hahas, then eli was like: go see his contacts got girl anot??
hahas, in the end DONT HAVE!!
okayy actually there was one -.- HAHA!
funny!!
then left for class outing, went cathay to watch harry potter(:
then went sumo house to have lunch, mrlin treat!! (:

Thursday, 25th November(:
went with mummy to buy some random stuffs(:
long time since i went out to buy stupid stuff like new tablecloths and socks!
hahahs(:

Friday! TODAY!
back to school again for camp meeting!
yunting finally came!(:
packed up some suits and stuff to transport to safra for next week's kcp friendly.
me and elizabeth and wani got a MISSION NOW!
hahas, tonight facebook arh! (:
next week kcp we're so gonna get sexyback's number!!
AHAHAHAHA!

this is to sexyback on behalf of elizabeth and wani: heyy sexyback, just cause you are hot doesnt mean you can be sexist!!! :DD

cant wait for next week's kcp! (:

as we all grow.

2010-11-16T22:19:00.000-08:00

hmm.
i suddenly think i won't blog much during the hols ):
so much for keeping my blog alive.
hmph.
kk, i will try (:
just had a tiring pt at cjc, damn i want lawrence's pt back!! :D
then went eat lunch with felicia, xinyi, farhana and marie!
shared pepper lunch with xinyi! (:
after that went back school for awhile with felicia (:
tirirng day ):

so, one and a half months to 2011!
i realise i dont have foolscap and i'm runnig out of pens :O
so totally random~

happy things, sweet pictures

2010-11-12T22:21:00.000-08:00

some day, im gonna ride one of these(:

i wanna feel how it's like being so high up (:

the tiny things that make us happy.

like the fact that i can still see you again.

after one and a half months...

dont they look simply DELICIOUS??

((: hungry hungry meee

i shall learn to bake one day!

ate ferrer roundoir yesterdayy!

after so long(:

i found all these cutee pictures. they're sweet.

decided to post some pictures.

I LOVE THE FERRIS WHEEL!

E2 camp's like FINALLY OVER.

two weeks of torture has ome to an end =P

part of me doesn't want it.

at all.

i didn't think things could get any worse.

then you made me realise it could.

i know you're strong boy.

you've proven that. but i'm not.

after today it's one and a half months till 2011.

and after that it's one year that's going to suck.

and you couldn't make my last day berable.

to make it easier for me to remember your face for the next one and a half months.

i wanted to text you so badly.

when next year starts, i wonder if we will be strangers?

you know,

last night, i was thinking. i thought so many stuffs.

and through the tears i suddenly realised.

why after how far we've drifted, that i still hang on.

that i still wait for something, anythig, a miracle to happen.

then you'll greet me with a grin and some stupid comment.

then everything will be back to normal once again.

because you made me smile, you gave me strength.

you made me realise my smile meant something.

now i wonder if my smile still makes you happy?

i'm just afraid it doesn't even matter to you anymore...

happy times to come?

2010-11-11T23:38:00.000-08:00

chinese's OVERRR :D
double english double physics todayy.
turned out not tooo bad.
got two cotton on clothes from YUNTING!
THANKYOU!!
im like blogging with my POOH by my comp
it's UBER CUTEE! :D
i want eeyore! then my pooh wont be lonely!
hahahs okok lame (:

and so im improving(:
bit by bit by bit.
it's better than nothing.
i'm hoping it will hurt less and less cause you're not gonna text me any time soon
and i guess i'm already thrown out of your mind.
i was told i empty promises dont just hurt.
they make us love more and more.
look at me.
i'm smiling.
does that make you happy?
is it enough? you said it is.
so look at me. look look. im smiling ((:
you're happy and i'm happy.
that's what you said.
seems like so long ago.

2010-11-10T23:53:00.000-08:00

i actually pulled through the two papers without you.
that's something to be proud of (:
but barely.
really barely.
i can't believe you didnt even care.
although i already got the feeling you wouldnt but it still came as a really big blow.
not even a goodluck or a jiayou.
im not asking for much. two words and i would be happy.

and all for this crapp.

2010-11-09T21:31:00.000-08:00

and so tomorrow's my big day.
makes it sound so great when actually it isi'nt.
less than 24hrs and im still aching over here.
do you even care?
to think you actually promised.
to think i actually believed.
will all these make you come back?
will all these make you realise how much i need you for tmr?
i hate it you monster.
i hate loving you.

all the more shit to come.

2010-11-04T00:00:00.000-07:00

one word sums up my day.
SHIT.

I have unfinished chinese homework!
actually, i have chinese homework not placed in my teacher's locker yet.
oh well.
my o level's next week and i dont think i can even get myself together.
no mood for chinese.

this is like so shit.
shit shit shit shit.
it's like im clinging on to something i know was never there.
less than seven days and it's the big 'O's
i bet you don't even know yeah?
and maybe just maybe i was wishing for a little something to get me through the 'O's.
but shit you what's the use wishing for so much?
shit it all okay?!
i want to text, i want to rant, i want to talk nonsense.
i want a listening ear in this trying period.
you promised you'll always be around but where are you now?
i want to cry and there's nobody there.
and because you said it's more than enough to make you happy,
i'm smiling despite the tears.
so many times we argued and it hurts okay?
but now i'm wishing we had argued instead of this.
this is worse.
i prayed liked shit and now i'm wondering if it was worth it.
so many things have changed and im just here, watching.

i'm back! :O

2010-11-03T00:11:00.000-07:00

AM BACK.
i think....?
finally got myself to login and blog. :O
got so much things....dont think i'll squeeze all into one post!
hmmmm.

okayy, post exan activities was like pathetically little for us?!
LOL. only the humanities workshop and pulau semaku ):
humanities workshop was boriiiiiii-ng
sat with sooxian yunting and peixian (: did the stupid script!
hahas had fun laughing at each other's ideas
and we got to watch 2012! :D though only a teeny weeny part ): better than NOTHINGG!~
slacked with zar bo alvin and nat they all then went for lunch, came back and pei my sec 1s!
cute little things!!~

then i cant exactly remember what came the next few days....
oh, went out with samie on sunday to get his contacts.
oh my SOUP SPOON! ((:

monday was pulau semakau!(:
took the boat, captian edward's boat (:
peixian and pohyong kept knocking at each other through the window! :O
hilarious! :DD
and pulau semakau turned out nicer than what i thought? cause what i thought was.....
bad....LOL!

and that's basically it for post exam activities!
and for art we went to nyjc and serangoon jc! (:
was unsuccessful in finding a hot guy for huiqi! :O
sorryy! we tried! swear! ahahas (:
so now we're stuck with E2 CAMP!
CANT BELIEVE ITS ACTUALLY HOLIDAYS FOR THE REST OF THE LEVELS :O
MUGMUGMUGMUGMUG MUGGERR! :D
__________________________________________________________________

i miss you.
cause i so damming effing useless.
miss the old you.
and really i wonder what is it i really want back?
so many things, the past, its haunting me.
and it scares me to realise maybe things can never be like last time. never.
but why?
how did everything change so quickly?
why do i have to put a strong front up in school when im breaking up inside?
one more week.
and next year's gonna be worse. so much more worse.
you promised. one small promise but it meant the world to me. it really did.
and i keep hoping against hope that the past will be the future,
that the present will just disappear cause i cant stand it.
its just not the same.
nothing's the same any longer and i cant do a freaking thing about it!
was i always so effing useless?
maybe that's why things changed.
maybe it was because of me.
but i tried dammit i tried.
i did everything i could i wanted you happy, that's all.
its tough alright, going to school everyday knowing what's to come.
that i have to face the entire day of shit.
you dont owe me anything.
i want the old you back.
cause i miss you, truckloads, bucketloads.
come back and smile for me...

some times you have to let go,
to see if there was anything worth holding on to...

2010-10-01T01:43:00.001-07:00

came to revive my dead blog.

chiong-ing art.

no mood to blog.

hungry.

2010-09-15T14:24:00.000-07:00

I LOVE DUCKY! I LOVE MY PINK BEAR MORE! :D but tell me, why must she always be involved?! IM SO SORRY BUT I HATE HER...

just another dayy

2010-08-26T23:39:00.000-07:00

normal day normal day.
HAPPY BELATED BIRTHDAY YUN TING!!~
thanks for making CCA memorable girl!~ :DD
proper post today since i have time.

anyways the day started out NORMAL..
got to school early enough to get my bag into class then rush down for assembly.
grrr why didin't it just rain rain rain??
hate assembly, so hot and stuffy. LOL.
crapped with darren and weiliang during assembly.
went back to class was A MATHS!!
3 hours of maths damn can make you go kuku =X
other than that only had SS and mother tongue.
dammit png haven give me back my BOOK!
GRAGGH heng mr lin never use -.-
CCA got canceled LA LA LA
wanted go celebrate yunting's birthday but screw it nobody can come.
humph.
went dabao dinner for bro though was still like uber early.
then left his food at home to turn cold, as usual :D
met tamimie and dylan for a while.
like waste of time actually since tamimie only wanted a packet of tako.
and i've been eating LOADS of takos these few days with sooxian.
but still like them! PEIXIAN WHERE ARE THE CHEESE TAKOS?
lol i don't see them!!
AHHH BERNICE I WANT YOUR HEADPHONES =P
heehee that girl make me jealous! x.x
oh and mummy's getting more generous ehh!
hahahah she actually said ok to getting a new desktop...like MIRACLE. WHOOT~

okok back to proper stuffs. im getting random.
i still haven't gotten my PINK DOG!
like don't ask me why my dog is PINK! lol
but i want it so Mr Always-the-Sick can you like sew FASTER! )):
and my maths hw is like piling up!
anybody good at the proving identities thingy? cause that chapter's killing me.
and mrs rhamat wont let me off written work =.=
still gotta mug for EOY and my flu's coming back.
gawd bad timing.
ooh Katy Perry's "Teenage Dream" is nice ((:

heard it on patrine's blog.

many many people listening too =P

kept spamming my bro withe the song last night! HAHAHA XD

okok i gotta rush. not a very proper post cause i kept getting off topic =P

but it gotta do! ((:

My little translation of 'Koko ni iru yo"(I am Here) [Extract] :D :

~Doona ni tooku ni itemo kawaranaiyo kono kokoro

(No matter the disrance, this heart of mine wont change)

Ima nara sunao ni ieruyo

(Now i can say it to you straight)

I dont ever wanna let you go...~

LOL ONLY THREE LINES =P

lazy uhh...

ahahaha JPOP ROCKS TTM!~

2010-08-24T01:06:00.000-07:00

"Getting over a painful experience is much like crossing monkey bars. You have to let go at some point in order to move forward."
unknown.

have i crossed those monkey bars?

heyy YOU were GREAT these few days!

am i overreacting?

this is tough.

oh thanks for putting your name on my table :DD

no comments :/

and THANKYOU all you wonderful peeps who remembered my wonderful day on sunday!~

special thanks to mummy and daddy for the big meal, clothes and money.

and benji for your ever special presents!

special special every year bro!

zac you idiot in seattle must buy me US present!

and dont think army excuses you samie :DD

but you actually sent! ahahaha XD

and thankyou lovely peeps on facebook ((:

even those that only know my FRIEND but I DONT KNOW!

XDD. oh, and like his own post -.-

"The greatest pain that comes from love is loving someone you can never have."
Dave Mustaine

applies to many...

she wants him to be happy

you want her to be happy

i want you to be happy

and this cycle goes on...

and on...

we are just friends. i want you to be happy.

and you cant be happy loving somone you cant get

no matter how much you smile everyday..

how much you say its easy to get over such things.

until you learn to let go and be happy for that someone,

because that's exactly what i cant do.

we are just friends.

that's the line my mind drew, not my heart.

but someday, i hope i can stand by you and her and truly say im happy for you.

cuase i would walk through the rain for you,

if it means you cant see me cry...

so smile for me alright?

and whenever you need to rant, i will be there.

whenever you're bored or pissed off,

even though sometimes i reply super late D:

i will be there, friend ((:

BLAH BLAH BLAH

2010-08-20T01:45:00.000-07:00

PT WAS LIKE EPIC FAIL.
yunting left in a huff.
we got nothing done luhh
waste of time.
RARGH.
miss diyana erjected our photos for our storyboarding!
okayy like OBVIOUSLY she would have rejected it!!
damn gotta do by next week or else no marks...
zzz....

had 6 hours of narrative workshop.
the instructor super hyper hyper
LOL laughed like mad yesterday at the sticky sweet story.
after that went np with sooxian
bought her tako....bo bian DD:
lol hahah actually we betted....and i lost both!! wahh.
must bet on other things already.
still must do storyboarding and paint the canves.
blehhhhhhh.
i want my papers back DD:

conversation between sooxian and dumbdumb(P.S.through sms)
(P.P.S might not be particularly accurate but the content is the same):

dumbdumb: ehh call me we chit chat. never really heard your voice before :DD

sooxian: duwan

dumbdumb: lol why?

sooxian: because i duwan to hear your voice.

LOLOLOLOL
me and weiliang laughing like mad during english at the because i duwan hear your voice.
lol kenna own!
just for laughs!
dont mind uhh!~
buncha jokers....:DD
gimme gimme the pink pink thihg!! )):
actually i dunno what isit. )):

tired tired week

2010-08-17T00:18:00.000-07:00

THREE LITTLE PIGS = effing pissed off.
it was like due....last week??
and we haven even pass up.
we haven even take photo.
met up with sooxian on sunday, didin get anything done.
ended up prank calling and messaging random people.
we wanted to make props at yishun library but got chased out by the librarian....sian.

term test is OVER.
like whats the use anyway?
EOY in less than a month, not like we're going to get a break from the truckload of homework.
this is so lame.
i want to watch liar game! )):
but currently no progerss.
everyday say want watch but in the end nothing.
LOL no time? not really.....just dont see myself walking to a cinema to watch it. )):
oh, and about the 3 little pigs?
im telling you it can make you puke blood!
everyday settle then cancle, settle and cancle, settle and cancle.....
even kinergarten did not tell us to do this!
Rrrrr

I WANT TO WATCH LIAR GAME!I WANT TO WATCH LIAR GAME!I WANT TO WATCH LIAR GAME!I WANT TO WATCH LIAR GAME!I WANT TO WATCH LIAR GAME!I WANT TO WATCH LIAR GAME!I WANT TO WATCH LIAR GAME!I WANT TO WATCH LIAR GAME!I WANT TO WATCH LIAR GAME!I WANT TO WATCH LIAR GAME!I WANT TO WATCH LIAR GAME!I WANT TO WATCH LIAR GAME!I WANT TO WATCH LIAR GAME!I WANT TO WATCH LIAR GAME!
)): sobs sobs.....

cause i want you back...

2010-08-03T01:30:00.001-07:00

sometimes i lie.
cause i cant face the truth.
you asked me who i liked.
was i supposed to say: you?
thanks for accepting me for who i am.
you have no idea how much it meant to me.

if i could reach for a star for everytime you make me smile,
the entire evening sky would be in my palm...

ME LOVE SCRUMP!~

2010-07-27T02:22:00.000-07:00

I LOVE SCRUMP!!!!!!!!!!~

(WHOOT!~)

CRAZY CRAZY ME~

2010-07-23T02:13:00.001-07:00

hahaha
im back! [:
had cca today.
me and yunting and felicia took photo with cherry and charlie.
xinyi is a little fed up with me =P
and felicia is MAJORLY fed up!!
im not the only one orhh!!
LOL.
hmmmmm
havent blogged properly for AGES! lazy lazy no time.
phew phew.
am tired.
yunting is telling me to recommend friend.
but sadly i dunno how.
psps i know i very stupid derr...><
at least today was like something new from the old boring routine in our school that has TOTALLY lack of any......better not to say.
no wonder. hmmmmm.

im tired.
i miss you i miss you i miss you i miss you i miss you i miss you i miss you i miss you i miss you i miss you i miss you i miss you i miss you i miss you i miss you i miss you i miss you i miss you i miss you i miss you i miss you i miss you i miss you i miss you i miss you i miss you i miss you i miss you i miss you i miss you i miss you i miss you i miss you i miss you i miss you i miss you i miss you i miss you i miss you i miss you i miss you i miss you i miss you i miss you i miss you i miss you i miss you i miss you i miss you i miss you i miss you i miss you i miss you i miss you i miss you i miss you i miss you i miss you i miss you i miss you i miss you i miss you i miss you i miss you i miss you i miss you i miss you i miss you i miss you i miss you i miss you i miss you i miss you i miss you i miss you i miss you i miss you i miss you i miss you i miss you i miss you i miss you i miss you i miss you i miss you i miss you i miss you i miss you i miss you i miss you i miss you i miss you i miss you i miss you i miss you i miss you i miss you i miss you i miss you i miss you i miss you i miss you i miss you i miss you i miss you i miss you i miss you i miss you i miss you i miss you i miss you i miss you i miss you i miss you i miss you i miss you i miss you i miss you i miss you i miss you i miss you i miss you i miss you i miss you i miss you i miss you i miss you i miss you i miss you i miss you i miss you i miss you i miss you i miss you i miss you i miss you i miss you i miss you i miss you i miss you i miss you i miss you i miss you i miss you i miss you i miss you i miss you i miss you i miss you i miss you i miss you i miss you i miss you i miss you i miss you i miss you i miss you i miss you i miss you i miss you i miss you i miss you i miss you i miss you i miss you i miss you i miss you i miss you i miss you i miss you i miss you i miss you i miss you i miss you i miss you i miss you i miss you i miss you i miss you i miss you i miss you i miss you i miss you i miss you i miss you i miss you i miss you i miss you i miss you i miss you i miss you i miss you ....

2010-07-17T02:27:00.001-07:00

I NEED A PRINTERRRRRRRRR!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! :O
and i got one.
am SO grateful!

2010-06-25T02:53:00.000-07:00

HAPPY BELATED BIRTHDAY STELLA <3
:DD fifteen fifteen
thanks for everything these two years!

schools opening DD:
hmmmmm.......
ohh sec one outing was cool.
went safra but there were no lanes to bowl so we payed pool.
then cabbed to gv and watched Toy Story 3.
geraldine cried!! lolol
and dumbdumb called in the middle of the movie....>_<
luckily everyone was too busy laughing to notice....
hmmm and somebody was watching INDIAN MOVIES and didin answer my call....mwa hahaha
then cabbed back to safra and got the 5pm lanes to bowl.
LOL kinda stupid to go gv then go back to safra again but bo bian! ahahaha
pansy won all of us and she didin even hold the ball the correct way!!
ahahaha so pro :DD
then went dinner at kopitiam with luisa, geraldine and charmaine.
hmmmm luisa might be sponsoring $100 for a year end barbecue.....
thats like.... a lot!
LOL. wonder how much WE have to come out....

anyways, gotta rush.
i have unfinished art!!! D:

~how can i say i miss you, when its hardly a long time?

BACK.

2010-06-13T23:21:00.001-07:00

cowards walk away from problems.

but i dont.

i RUN away...

what does that make me??

havent blogged for ages.

LOL

holidays a bore.....

stuffed with art...>_<

sec 1 outing nxt wednesday! :DD

kinda looking forward~

hahahs

blogging may be addictive, but not this time.

miss you~

making decisions were never this hard.

2010-05-21T02:45:00.000-07:00

things you can do on an off day to entertain yourself:

1. slam to snooze button when your alarm clock rings. and continue sleeping until your mother demands you get out of bed so she can change the bedsheets.

2. irritate your brother to no end by jabbing him when his rushing his papers and tell him he needs penmanship causr his handwriting sucks.

3. trawl cyberactive for a cheaper version of steelseries headset that you can get for your friend's birthday without getting yourself totally broke.

4. help your mum make pasta.

5. continue sleeping.

~saddened.

unbelievable.

2010-05-04T02:07:00.000-07:00

HAPPY BIRTHDAY WEI LING!!!~

crap of a day started out with me almost late for school.
missel didin come.
mr wong came to relief english and boy does he have a sense of humor!
ate 6 choco sweets in 2 periods!
and we're really doing the "Me Sell Cookies" thingy.
cool~
crapped with stella during recess
bet she was overwhelmed that weiliang's psp had the whole season of K-ON
lolol!
qiaoling's new fringe's kinda cute! haha
she's so red. serious! ((:
so many guys cut their hair...
divian, weixiang, lester, weiliang...even martin! lololol~
that was random but i noticed so yeah((:
oh and listening to divya and divian's conversations sure is entertaining :DD

two and a half hours of extra physics lessons =.=

i seriously brought myself to apologise.
and am now irritated at being taken for a small kid.
well at least i said sorry.

im sorry

2010-05-01T21:39:00.001-07:00

IM SORRY.
dont know what else i can say that will matter anyway.

so the answer is no?...

2010-04-29T23:55:00.000-07:00

MY FAULT OKAY?
MY FAULT MY FAULT MY FAULT MY FAULT.

maybe an apology wont solve everything.
so you tell me what you want me to do.

2010-04-28T03:13:00.000-07:00

IF I SAID I WANTED TO TAKE EVERYTHING BACK,
would you believe me?
would you allow me, friend?
would you forgive and forget,
and let things be like last time?
cause i dont know how was your last two days
but i definitely didn enjoy mine....

IM SORRY.

so this is goodbye

2010-04-23T00:33:00.001-07:00

to start the day right,
look up at the sky and say: wow

couldn bring myself to say wow taday. so iwent: urgh...and the day really went urgh i guess...learnt not to make that mistake again...

an entertaing conversation with my evil table partner:-

Me: Heyy, can i ask your advise on something?

Table partner: yeah?

Me: How do you mend a broken heart?

Table partner: .....(gives the *what the heck* look) find every thing that is positive...

Me: .... (gives back the look) meaning?....

Table partner: Find everything positive and beat tht person who broke your heart. ahd take falling down as a chance to learn. like after you fall you learn not to step on that stupid file again..

Me: Okayy...but after falling down so many times its hard to pick yourself up...

Table partner: *trademark evil smile* Its so easy!! Just put your hand on the floor and push your...

Me: @#$%)+>?!@#&*>!@})*&

Table partner: Mwahahaha

damdidibidibidamdidamdamdididam random-ness lolol

i gave up today. after what happened during recess. i didn even get an apology. you know who you were. you were there when those jerks ..... i saw you so dont start denying. you may say it wasnt you but they were YOUR friends! they bloody did it in my face!! did i ever let qiaoling say anything about you? well...goodbye friend. thanks for the pass three..four? months. but i have my limits too.

how many more?

2010-04-22T02:16:00.000-07:00

HOW MANY CHANCES HAVE I GIVEN YOU?
HOW MANY MORE AM I GOING TO GIVE?
NO MATTER WHAT I DO ITS THE SAME SHIT BACK.
UNREPLIED MESSAGES, BLASTED FACE.
EVERYTHING I DO DOESN WORK.
I TRIED I TRIED DAMMIT.
BUT OTHER PEOPLE WHO DID NOTHING GET IT.
I KEEP QUIET, AND TRY AGAIN.
I BOTHER TO MESSAGE.
I SEE YOUR NAME ON SOMONE ELSE'S TAGBOARD.
THAT'S IT.
FALL OUT OF MY HEART.
CAUSE I HATE YOU.

clinging on

2010-04-16T01:38:00.000-07:00

HAPPY BELATED BIRTHDAY TICK FANG AND LEON!!
i know im so late people but ...
wasn in the mood to post these previously.
hope you guys had a great birthday!~

NAPFA 2.4 ytd.
ran with sooxian and crapped.
sooxian has a fan!
oh yeah. haha xDD
then stayed back for self study and jiao-ed sooxian's fan~!
haha
qiaoling was trying to explain to mw how wasted it was because she was late one minute for school.
and i kpt not understanding and answering a different thing...
LOL i know im slow :p
anw got scolded temperamental today.
did nothing to improve my mood.

~come back and smile for me.

scaryy

2010-04-13T01:58:00.000-07:00

not just messages...
i know i ask for alot....

come back and smile for me...

exceptional love

2010-04-08T23:38:00.000-07:00

nobody's perfect.
i broke my own promise.
my own silence.
just because i didn know it was you on the phone
why am i hurting myself this way?

realise that when i dont know how to face something
i run away. far far away.
i just keep running
until my heart brings me back
and somehow i seldom get very far
before i hurt too much to continue

love is unconditional.
love is hard.
few can love after a broken heart
dont leave. dont leave. please dont leave.

~reach for heaven

hurting.

2010-04-08T02:27:00.000-07:00

four days.
counting.
and hurting.
you left without saying goodbye.
hate you.
and hating myself for hating you.

~look, dont blame everything on me.
i started the silence because i really couldn stand it anymore.
i dont think you even care..
or realised for that for that matter.
but if this is what things turn out to be...
fine then.
after all im the only one hurting.
leave. just leave.

WANT YOU BACK...

2010-04-07T03:00:00.000-07:00

I WANT YOU BACK.
lunch was a heartbreaker...
i want the old you....
the funny you...
the crappy you...
the dumb you...

the one who was so....YOU.

Lord, I'm amazed by you....

2010-04-01T03:31:00.000-07:00

boo people.
boo boo~ :DD

so yeah.
NAPFA test.
suck. lol.

oh must thank divian for teaching me chemistry...
still wrecking my brain over the worksheet...
and ern chi THANKS for the advice
i wouldn be able to stand today if you didin tell me those that day...
it made me realise its not me against the whole world...
its comforting...
even if its only that little bit.
and dear GENEVIEVE seniorr!!
for always being ther whenever i rant :DD

~but YOU insist on disappointing me...

you dance over me,
while im unaware.
you sing all around,
but i never hear the sound...

Lord, I'm amazed by you,
Lord, I'm amazed by you,
Lord, I'm amazed by you,
how you love me....

you paint the morining sky,
with miracles in mind.
my hope will always stand,
you hold me in your hands.

Lord, I'm amazed by you,
Lord, I'm amazed by you,
Lord, I'm amazed by you,
how you love me....

How wide
How deep
How great
Is your love for me.

Lord, I'm amazed by you,
Lord, I'm amazed by you,
Lord, I'm amazed by you,
how you love me....

tomorrow all will be beautiful.....

2010-03-29T03:13:00.000-07:00

or so i hope.....
hoping against hope...

moral of the story: dont love. and you wont get hurt.
but what can i undo now?
brother told me not to trust you in the first place.
not to be friends...
but i went on...

now all i can do is look back and wish i had never known you...
and look forward...and hope...
you prove your worth...
cause you've got me in a dilemma...

March 26th

2010-03-26T03:09:00.000-07:00

this is shit useless.
fck.
i totally hate all these.
look forward to nothing.
hope for nuts.
if only life would end.
maybe ...just maybe...
that way this world would be such a better place....
dont you think?

~i dont recognise you anymore.
why?
its only 3 months.
remember waht you said in january?
that you didin care what others thought?
i believed.

March 18th

2010-03-17T21:45:00.000-07:00

i know you hate me.
i mean its obvious.
but it s still me.

ytd went for sec 1 outing!!!
funn!
haha my juniors are super cutee!
we couldn go bowling though...
so went to cathay watch movie.
saw shannon and ernchi! (:
then went out crapping with benji and MATTHIAS LAU!!!!!!!
I WANT MY MACFLURRY LARH! [[:

then its boring photoshop course today.
BORE.

March 11th

2010-03-10T21:50:00.000-08:00

and i see the blissful side of life....
yeah.
after all this time...
maybe there is a sunshine after all... :DD

March 9th

2010-03-09T01:52:00.000-08:00

so. you did it after all.
im speechless.
have no idea why i still went to take cab.
only caused me to get more pissed.
sighs...my friends tell me youre useless
tell me to give you the cold shoulder....
but still...
im here...
not knowing what to do....
how stupid am i?

March 7th

2010-03-07T12:28:00.000-08:00

S[H E]B E[L I E]V E[D]

♥ love someone. want that someont to be happy. be happy for that someone. but if he disappoints you...then either keep loving him...or give up.

March 5th

2010-03-04T23:45:00.000-08:00

my life's screwed.
big time.
fcked up to be honest.

to live for something
makes you see the wonderful side of life.
but.
it makes you hurt more.

broke down.
seriously just snapped.
thankyou STELLA and QIAOLING
for listening like how you guys always do.
and TICKFANG for the tissue! haha and all the concern
and SERENE! for always being just a message away!

still owe dumb dumb and answer..
for a question he asked a LONGG time ago...
was thinking about it last night...
wonder whether that contributed to today's tears...

~because you said you love me.

March 3rd

2010-03-03T01:36:00.000-08:00

so fall out of my heart.
and out of my hands.
and remember i'll be watching you fall..
just like how you watched me fall so far.
i shall watch you fall further.....
and right at the end....
wonder who fell further?
who fell harder?

March 2nd

2010-03-02T02:01:00.000-08:00

trusted you.
but you disappointed me beyond disappointment.
i fell, picked myself up..fell again...
now i wonder how im standing up again?
just want to see your smile....is it that difficult?
please...just once more.

February 26th

2010-02-26T01:39:00.000-08:00

HYPER.
lol i feel like a stalker sup man!
went stalking with jia lin....wahaha.
LOL -.-

anyway.
never loved fridays so much.
had to stand for half of the chinese lesson though...
cause i forgot to bring textbook...zzz
then 2 hours of maths?!
grahh.
at least the ss and geog test was okay.
ahahah terence and frederick nvr study :p
hahaha

lol then went with qiaoling and dumb dumb to np.
i was supposed to ga sun plaza larh.
lol then qiaoling say i ps her...
so she come along loe....
hahah kept crapping all the way to the taxi stand..
then dumb dumb keep saying i cannot get on the railing >.<
diao i dunwan go up can?? LOL
in the end me and qiaoling wanted to go eat lunch...
went ishi mura
saw justina karen and luisa...LOL
joel and jiaming too! ahaha
crapped somemore and then realised i still had half my food left when qiaoling was almost done
diao and dumb dumb only bought one sushi??
wanted to see blacky though...
but his whole family was at home? LOL!
somhow the topic changed to dogs though...
LOL then wei liang kept getting dragged into the picture...ahaha
LOL qiaoling went back school for cca! GUAI KIA!! AHAHA
then shared a cab to sun plaza with dumb dumb..LOL
then back to school....
stalker sup with jia lin ...LOL!

CRAPP OF A DAY~
lazy to type.
bye.

today was a fairytale~~

February 23rd

2010-02-23T01:55:00.001-08:00

SOME CAMP PHOTOS.

lazy to upload more....

anyway.

i made up my mind.

sorry.

but yeah.

February 19th

2010-02-19T02:05:00.000-08:00

feel childish.
but its really not fair.
what did i do to insult you?
nothing that i know of.
why do you want everything in my life??
you took everything,
i kept quiet.
told myself i wont do anything.
but now you.....
crossed that limit.

now this is to you
(you know who im talking about) :

i know its childish.
i want to forgive and forget.
but i cant.
i want to mix around with my best friend and forget about her.
but i cant.
i know its she say nia.
at one point of time she will diam ler.
but she crossed my limit.
you know what she did to cross that line.
i kept quiet before that okay.
i know you're okay with everybody.
i know im nt supposed to be so unreasonable.
but there's seriously noway we can be friends if she's involved.
sorry but its me or her.
if you're okay with her...
i think its better if we.....
just pretend nothing happened before.
go back to how it was last year.
when i didn know who you were.
sorry.
and you would have received my message of apology.
that was a sincere apology.
but it was only because i got angry that day.
doesn change this.
this is so childish.
but the choice is yours i guess.
i dont want to make you make this choice...
but this cant go on...i know myself.....
but i wont blame you no matter what's your choice.
if you think that's what you want...
i respect your decision.
im so sorry..
i know how childish this sort of things are....
but...
im sorry
doesn change anything....

February 17th

2010-02-17T00:56:00.000-08:00

came here prepared to type a LONGG post...
but in the end didin ...
cause i dont feel that way anymore...

had an argument with.....today..
dont feel like talking abiut it...
anyway..its fine now already.

forgot to bring the cookies again anyway...
sigh.
sorry ahh.
dumb dumb still tell me give stella...
LOL i will give her larh, no worries!
im hungry.....nehmind.

things are starting to change ehh...
but i dont know whether i like the way things are going now...
at least im smiling....youre smiling too...
thats good...i guess.

February 12th

2010-02-12T01:00:00.000-08:00

VALENTINES is coming people...
happy advanced birthday zane!!!!!!!!
(he's bdae's on valentines!! (:)
HAPPY BIRTHDAY ERN CHI!!!!!!!!!

LOL so paiseihh
i totally forgat zane's present...
SORRY SORRY zane!!

had CNY celebration today
cool~ laughed alot...
took photo of pohyong but he deleted it -.-
then loysius go throw the mandrain orange and smacked justin!
LOL lahh. >.<
then after the celebration went back to class
couldn open the door somehow cause the key was like....dunno where.
then dumb dumb CLIMBED THROUGH THE WINDOW.
like wow lahh

omg i see joey ;pppppppppp
and enci! Lol

okayy am back from slacking eith joey and enci..
saw aaron, marcus, jiawen and alaric
LOL couldn recognise half of them lahh =.=

anyway back to blogging....
where was i?
oh yes dumb dumb climbed through the window...
miracle lahh.
then went for cca...
listen to wei liang rant...though in the end he didin feel like ranting...
still owe the cookies!
sorry seihh! feel so bad :S

~valentines...how much does it mean??
going to miss you for the next....four days??
gosh...

February 10th

2010-02-10T01:03:00.000-08:00

told myself im happy today.
but then realised it was a big fat lie.
a lie i couldn even bring myseif to believe...

it was just yesterday....
but it feels like a million years ago...
i can see the messages in my inbox
but they seem so unreal...

~but you wont get to see the tears i cry...

February 9th

2010-02-09T01:47:00.000-08:00

GOOD DOGGIE!
WOOF! (:
haha this is so funn!

laughed alot today...
more than i have in a longg longg time...
haha dumb dumb and dog....
wow. nt bad. haha
wei liang said he dont mind..
so nt my fault! haha

sorry dumb dumb.
couldn tell you....
nt i dont want tell...
but yeah....some things are better left unsaid..
maybe someday...
maybe.

damn.
now after all the messages...
i miss you even more.
sigh~

ohohoh must thank ALI for helping me buy the SIM card!
he walked all the way bac to 7-11 jus to buy lahh!
haha THANKYOU THANKYOU.

February 5th

2010-02-05T01:37:00.000-08:00

im BACK...and BLACK!!!!!!!!!!
glad to be back =.=

photos another day??
LOL.
lazy..

four days....
i couldn even take one day....
sigh.
dont want to feel this way.
hoped for much already...
no point wishing for more...

THANKYOU amelia and divya!
thanks for the ear....
for the advice....(:

but its no use.
i miss you.

3E3 FLY!!!!!!!!!!!
WHOOO

January 30th

2010-01-30T20:34:00.000-08:00

HAPPY BIRTHDAY TERENCE!!!
haha didn know it was his birthday until friday...
LOL. officlally sitting baside a FIFTEEN year old during SS and Geog
hahhaha

lunch-ed with marieanne. peilih and serene yesterday
went to yoshinoya
THAKYOU peilih for the meal!
hahas

nth much to post lerr
still miss you.
although i know its useless...

January 29th

2010-01-29T02:28:00.000-08:00

HAPPY BIRTHDAY POH YONG!!!!!!! :D

was pissed
am pissed
will be pissed.

miss the times i could really smile like nth was wrong.
I MISS YOU.I MISS YOU.I MISS YOU.I MISS YOU.I MISS YOU.I MISS YOU.I MISS YOU.I MISS YOU.I MISS YOU.I MISS YOU.I MISS YOU.I MISS YOU.I MISS YOU.I MISS YOU.I MISS YOU.I MISS YOU.I MISS YOU.I MISS YOU.I MISS YOU.I MISS YOU.I MISS YOU.I MISS YOU.I MISS YOU.I MISS YOU.I MISS YOU.I MISS YOU.I MISS YOU.I MISS YOU.I MISS YOU.I MISS YOU.I MISS YOU.I MISS YOU.I MISS YOU.I MISS YOU.I MISS YOU.V MISS YOU.I MISS YOU.I MISS YOU.
although its only one day...

January 28th

2010-01-28T02:05:00.000-08:00

finally a day i could stand.
LWS was fun. to say the least.
was prepared to hate it.
but yeah.

was sleeping during POA.
lol. then durin a maths realised i didn pass up my test.
cause was outside the class during powernap.
talkin to a sick person! zzz
sprayed deodarant right in wei liang's face
lol was funny lah
kept laughing.
especially the super sonic eyes ==
DIAO LAHH.
LOL.
then dumb dumb was like :WOW
his expression damn funny lahh (:

saw your smile today.
more than once.
maybe you dint know.
but the conversations..(finally in real life and nt sms or msn ==)
they meant so much....

~hope things continue to turn out better.
though some things are really better left unsaid.
some hearts, the old ones, are better closed.
its closing them thats so complicated.~

January 27th

2010-01-27T01:50:00.000-08:00

got a change of seat AGAIN!!!!!!!!!!!
WTF.

anyway.
was happy for the first part of the day..
okay happy as in....happy..nvm
then...ahhhhhhhhhh. platt.

things are like ..goin frm bad to worse.
seriously dunno wat i did wrong lah.
why isit always like that?
is friendship really that hard?
is it really just a game??
somehow things must turn out like that.
everything must go....bahh :/
if you want me to just piss off
pretend that we never knew each other...
then TELL ME DAMMIT!
QUIT TREATING ME LIKE IM INVISIBLE!!!!!!!!
do you think i like everything thats happening??
do you think only you can be pissed or irritated??
DAMMIT I DUNNO WAT TO SAY!

~wonder how many times a heart can breakk?

January 26th

2010-01-26T01:48:00.000-08:00

got a change of seat............
==zzzzzzz
shall not say any more.
:/

one more week to sec 3 camp.
hope the class tee turns out ok.....
no flexi wednesday 2more somemore...
haish....
boom boom boom(:

take more care would you??
dammit i know its irritating
but if u dont listen what else can i do??
zzz==
people care..and people hurt...
even if you dont...

yosh yosh yosh.
~aishiteru.......♥

January 23rd

2010-01-23T00:06:00.000-08:00

HAPPY BIRTHDAY MUMMY!

went for the class rehersal today....
FUN! hahahs
super funny...
we used shakespear room...FREE AIR-CON! LOL
actually its still not finished
but not bad though!
GANBATTE people! :D

hope many things wiil turn out better....
hope dumb dumb will understand...
hope dumb dumb will cheer up...

~so sorry

January 22nd

2010-01-22T03:04:00.000-08:00

tired.
pissed off.
sad at the same time....

now dumb dumb doesn want to talk to her anymore...
i feel so bad...
hai but cant do anything...
STUPID DUMB DUMB!
LOL...hahas :D

don be so pissed lah dumb dumb..
LOL
jus let her say what she wants...
dont care!!
hahah

January 20th

2010-01-20T02:14:00.000-08:00

STUPID! STUPID! STUPID! STUPID!

January 17th

2010-01-17T20:37:00.000-08:00

HAPPY BIRTHDAY CLAUDIA! (:

the smile is still so plastic...

i really wish i could believe you.....

January 16th

2010-01-16T13:33:00.000-08:00

you did everything just for her..
im touched...
but why use me?
now you hardly acknowledge me...
asked me why she wouldn pass you the thumbdrive herself..
it was so obvious.
you wanted her..
but im sorry i was hardly any help....
i will explain everything to her...

hope you two can be happy together...
whether as friends or something more...
what does it matter?
as long as you're happy....

January 15th

2010-01-15T03:04:00.000-08:00

so it was all for her.....
you could have told me...
i would have helped...
if you had used me to get someone else i wouldn have minded
but no.
you used me to get my best friend...
faked the wholed thing.
the messages, msn coversations, np trips...
everything just to.......
and you told me you were different from your friends....
you wanted her to be happy...
but you used my happiness to get that....
why??
were we even friends to start with?
you faked everything....
and i swallowed everything like a five year old kid...
joanne was right...
i really didin learn anything...
how stupid can i get??

i still wish you two can be together....
she was what you wanted all along right?
now you have her....
hope everything will be...

HAPPY ADVANCED BIRTHDAY CLAUDIA! (:

the smile is so plastic......

January 7th

2010-01-07T15:10:00.000-08:00

esther promises never to look back in class..
to pay attention to the teacher instead of....
nevermind....

December 27th

2009-12-27T20:03:00.001-08:00

it takes a big man to cry
a very big man to laugh
and an even bigger man to ask why...

December 15th

2009-12-15T13:45:00.000-08:00

i'm posting
cause genevieve complains that i dont
and benji says i dont do enough
plus zac promised me chocolates if i typed out smth decent..
so yeah

after the awfuly tiring afternoon, i still went with mum to northpoint to get dinner..
for once she didn suggest home-cooked food.
before we even got the food she suggested shopping around
which was like ...wow...since she likes shopping as much as guys do..
Read: does it only when absoulutely necessary...like when she has won the lottery and doesn know how to spend the money...

guess she was in a buying mood...
since she forked out both me and benji's bills...WOW
then i complained that i was super tired...claimed i needed sleep
so benji interrogated me on my afternoon...
told him everything...what didi i have to loose?
though i cleverly left out the part about meeting guo wei on the way to SAFRA
and that i happened to take the same bus as aric and didin even know it until the bus was like ....what.. in the middle of the CTE??
then i realised that and the fact that the bus was going to PUNGGOL!!
he forced it out of me anyway
so i gave the simplified version: saw guo wei on the way to SAFRA. smiled and said hi.
(act blur) i didn take any bus..? yeah i took a bus to compass point!
which reminds me, guo wei lives in yishun?? o.0

oh and there was a freaky phone conversation with stella and qiaoling
i mean they were in super high mode can??
LOL

anyways im sure genenvieve and benji are so proud that i typed out all these crapp for them...
well..actually it was for the chocolates :D
hmmm and maybe i can convince mum that i need a new laptop for christmas...(:

December 14th

2009-12-14T13:20:00.000-08:00

i realised...
i pull through every week
just to see your smile on sunday....
_________________________________________________________________

takecare qiaoling.....
love ya...god bless <3

December 4th

2009-12-04T13:25:00.000-08:00

shooting camp was FUNN :D
okay....at least the most part.....
cool to see sze xin, jonathan and jia qi again....
whooo they rawk at captain ball :D

November 28th

2009-11-28T13:20:00.000-08:00

i should never have gone to your school's IS last saturday....
never have seen you and junhui joke around with my coach....
or heard your voice when you asked qamarul how many inner tens he got,
and again when you jokingly said you could be our teacher when i
was asking Lawrence if i should call mdm suriyanti......
still pondering over what you said as you walked out of the range after the IS...
"Life is fragile..."
how true is that?
if i knew things would turn out this way....
i would have just stayed at home and sleep....

November 22nd

2009-11-21T13:16:00.000-08:00

I'm just getting more and more confused.....
since when were things so complicated?

November 4th

2009-11-03T13:19:00.000-08:00

face it, i cant take the fact that 2009's coming to an end

so many things that i knew of wayy too late...

and now they're never coming back....

youre an idiot, esther...

28th October

2009-10-28T00:06:00.000-07:00

I GIVE UP.
SORRY EVERYBODY.
SORRY STELLA.
SORRY QIAOLING.
我对不起你了。。
SORRY DOMINIC.
SORRY T.JUNWEI.
SORRY MUMMY...我爱你妈米。。。
sorry....当时没听你的话。。。我知道错了。。
SORRY GENEVIEVE...
一直都没有停止帮助我。。。谢谢你从来没有忘记我
明年你就毕业了。。。我也不懂该做些设么，
只能说一句：谢谢你。。。我爱你。。

thankyou xxon, dani, daniel, hui bing, joanne, weiyi, aric, sam quek
lydia, jessica, zhang yi, grace, jon tang....all my brothers and sisters...
everyone...thankyou for always standing by me...
even though the whole world hated me... i felt so welcome in shalom hall...
thnks for teaching me god's grace...
永远忘不了你们为我做的一切。。。

thankyou qiaoling....
for helping me all this while....
谢谢你。。。虽然一切。。。你还是帮这我。。

谢谢你，那些一直在我身边帮着我。。。
thanks for not judging me...after all i've done
thanks for loving me for who i am.....
我对不起你们。。。请原谅我。。。

October 16th

2009-10-15T22:50:00.000-07:00

EOY IS OVER. (finally)
sec 4s graduated yesterday....
a fun time at the S'pore flyer for them ehh
lol..it was raining! wonder wat they saw through the rain anyway?
lol..then they graduate lerr still have to come bac to school...
tats quite lame lahhh.....but i don't mind! HAH..qiaoling wun mind either!

went with qiaoling and stella to SSC straight aftr the last paper
then went to chong pang slack slack
thn go bac sch....and got TOTALLY drenched!
at school walking in we met with a reaaly embarassin scene!
sorry qiaoling! i REALLY didin know it was ferdi! i tot is...you know who!
lol...sorry...then when they 'ooh'damn loud i know is not him lerr!
damn paisehh!
urgh! hope jonathan ang droped off the S'pore flyer!

went to clementi yeaterday to eat SUSHI!
hahs...then saw guo wei( i think), ferdi and another 4/3 guy(dunno who)
quite shocked though..i thought sec 4s still at S'pore flyer!....lol
but the sushi was super nice lahh! hahas

kays....tat should be all! byees! (:

October 9th

2009-10-08T20:42:00.000-07:00

i'm gonna die soon...
hai...goin crazy lerr......oni qiaoling might understand...
cause i think she's goin crazy too ehhhh
haish.......

October 6th

2009-10-05T19:40:00.000-07:00

HAPPY BIRTHDAY DADDY! (:

AND HAAPY BELATED 20TH BIRTHDAY ARIC...
enjoy life in the national botak clan :D
HAH....lolz

September 25th

2009-09-24T23:29:00.000-07:00

omg...i am laughing my head off....
okay okay i stomach ache lerr
lolz.....

LAUGHS...........

HAPPY BIRTHDAY JOYCE, JIAYI, KEDY AND BEN CHOY! (:

September 23rd

2009-09-23T01:05:00.000-07:00

Some super nice picts i koped from charmaine's blog!

ah hahaha....anyways....

qiaoling finally go home lerr...happy for her (:

dear god may you protect her....

help this fren of mine...amen

okayys.......dunno wat to blog bout lerr....

shld juz chiong the stupid F1 thingy...

burh byees!